The Adventures of Captain Radio – Season 1, Episode 5 Transcript

VOICE: It’s time for Captain Radio!

[Intro music plays: thrilling, space-y synthesizer.]

NARRATOR: These are the adventures of Captain Radio! After hitching a ride on the back of a primordial interstellar beast, Captain Radio, Ace, and Orion have arrived at the Throne of Jupiter, an imposing space fortress orbiting directly over the churning clouds of the Great Red Spot. Now, they must close the Dimension Gate by any means necessary, even if it means sacrificing Andromeda to save the galaxy. However, their plan to stop Doctor Orban is about to go horribly wrong.

You’re listening to Captain Radio and the Mutant Mole People from the Eleventh Dimension. Chapter Five: The Dimension Gate.

With the fortress’ defenses trained on the mighty leviathan, our brave heroes sneak unnoticed through an exterior hatch into the most dangerous place in the universe.

CAPTAIN RADIO: We’re inside. Now comes the hard part. Ace, I need you to pretend to be an Imperium robot. Orion and I will break into the quartermaster’s stores and disguise ourselves as royal guards.

ORION: Easy for you to say. You’re not seven feet tall with six arms and blue skin.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Just try to slouch and don’t make eye contact with anyone. We’ll stick to the service corridors beneath the throne room to avoid checkpoints.

ORION: What about Andromeda’s warning?

CAPTAIN RADIO: I know what I’m doing, Orion. Doctor Orban is brilliant, but extremely predictable. All we have to do is stick to the plan. Once we’re through the security perimeter, you and I will free Andromeda while Ace disables the Dimension Gate’s power source. Then, you three will find us some transportation while I confront Doctor Orban. Got it?

ACE: Affirmative. I am accessing fortress schematics on the electrawave network now.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Lead the way, Ace.

ORION: This is insane. We’re going to get caught.

CAPTAIN RADIO: If you have a better idea, now’s the time.

ORION: We should do as Andromeda said: destroy the Throne of Jupiter. Preferably from a safe distance.

CAPTAIN RADIO: I’m not going to let her die, not when we’re this close to rescuing her. I can’t believe you’d be willing to sacrifice her.

ORION: I would do anything for Andromeda, but we have to think of the greater good. The universe is literally at stake! If we don’t stop Orban, then the lifeless future you saw will be set in stone.

CAPTAIN RADIO: I’m going to let you in on a little secret: the fate of the universe is always at stake. Mad scientists, rogue black holes, demons from the dawn of time — I’ve seen it all.

ORION: And look what it’s done to you. You can’t even conceive of the possibility of defeat.

ACE: I do not wish to interrupt, but I am detecting movement ahead.

CAPTAIN RADIO: An Imperium robot?

ACE: Unknown.

CAPTAIN RADIO: I’ll take care of this.

SOLDIER: Who’s there?

CAPTAIN RADIO: Excuse me. We seem to have lost our tour group.


CAPTAIN RADIO: Here, let me show you.

[We hear a punch and a thud as the soldier hits the ground, out cold.]

ORION: I thought you said all of the troops here were robots.

CAPTAIN RADIO: They used to be. But this fellow looks like one of the soldiers who tracked us from Alpha Centauri to Caliban. Let’s see what’s under the mask, shall we?

NARRATOR: Captain Radio lifts the veil covering the soldier’s face to reveal a hideous creature from a realm beyond human understanding.

CAPTAIN RADIO: By the fires of Hydra!

ORION: They don’t have eyes!

ACE: Interesting. The cranial structure is reminiscent of the Mole People of Nocturna Major.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Mole people…from another dimension.

ACE: They must have evolved specific mutations to perceive their environment.

ORION: Like what?

ACE: In theory, they may have an increased sensitivity to sound.

CAPTAIN RADIO: That gives me an idea. Ace, do you remember how you freed us from the Neptunian sirens? Could you do that again?

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Doctor Orban’s soldiers retrieve Andromeda from her dungeon cell and bring her to the imperial throne room where they have constructed a mechanism to open a portal to the Eleventh Dimension.

ANDROMEDA: Unhand me this instant! I will not be treated this way!

DOCTOR ORBAN: Quickly, get her wired to the gate, but not so close that she is atomized when the portal opens.

ANDROMEDA: Get your thugs off of me, Doctor Orban.

DOCTOR ORBAN: My dear Lady Andromeda, you should feel honored. You are to be a witness to the creation of a bridge between realities, something which no being in the history of time has ever achieved before. Tonight, we open the Dimension Gate.

ANDROMEDA: If you open the gate, you’ll burn out a million stars. Billions will die.

DOCTOR ORBAN: A small price to pay, I assure you.

ANDROMEDA: You sicken me. And you dishonor the legacy of that throne.

DOCTOR ORBAN: That’s where you’re wrong. I was born to rule.

ANDROMEDA: You’re delusional.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Do you know how the imperium chooses its sovereign?

ANDROMEDA: Every schoolchild knows that the throne is always inherited by the eldest child of the reigning monarch.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Almost always. You see, I was the firstborn son of King Solarus. My mother was the high priestess of the Oxians, a rebellious species that refused to submit to the Imperium. As a child, I was a symbol of unity, of peace. And when the Oxians were fully integrated into the empire, my father had no further use for me and I was banished.

The Oxians rejected me because I was half-human; the humans hated me because I was half-Oxian. When my father was on his deathbed and the Council of the Cosmos was convened to select his successor, I returned to claim what was rightfully mine.

But instead, they chose to bestow the crown on Aster, my younger half-brother. They said I was too unstable, too mad. And now here I am, at the foot of the throne which should have been mine all along —- and I will do whatever I must to secure my birthright.

ANDROMEDA: Even if you destroy it in the process? They were right about you — you are out of your mind.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Let history be the judge of that. I stand on the verge of conquering the known universe. Join me and together we can shape it as we see fit.

ANDROMEDA: You don’t need me; I’m merely a pawn in your game with Captain Radio.

DOCTOR ORBAN: I do need you, more than you realize. Besides, Andromeda, Empress Supreme of the Pangalactic Imperium, has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

MOLE PERSON: Sir, we have an intruder in the lower levels.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Good. Captain Radio and his friends have arrived on schedule. Bring them to me.

NARRATOR: Far below, in the labyrinth of passageways beneath the throne room, Captain Radio, Orion, and Ace reach the dungeon, unaware of the danger about to befall them.

ORION: She isn’t here.

CAPTAIN RADIO: She was here alright. Look at the walls of the cell. It looks like it’s made of iridium.

ORION: Orban must be using it to dampen Andromeda’s psychokinetic abilities.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Or he’s siphoning off her power to use elsewhere.

ORION: Can he do that?

CAPTAIN RADIO: I wouldn’t put it past him. Doctor Orban may be insane, but he’s also a genius.

ACE: Sir, my scanners cannot locate a power source within the Throne of Jupiter that meets the energy requirements of the Dimension Gate. There must be an external source.

ORION: So much for your plan. How are we supposed to disable it if the energy is coming from outside?

CAPTAIN RADIO: One step at a time, Orion. First, let’s find Andromeda.

ACE: Multiple hostiles approaching.

[A volley of ray gun blasts. Captain Radio fires back.]

ORION: They’re blocking the only way out!

CAPTAIN RADIO: Ace! Do it now!

ACE: Attempting high-frequency interference.

ORION: Any time, rustbucket!

ACE: Something is overriding my transistors.


ACE: Downloading updates from the electrawave network. Please wait.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Blast! I should’ve known this would happen. The fortress mainframe thinks Ace is an infantry robot. It’s trying to reintegrate them into the network!

ORION: Now what?

MOLE PERSON: Come out with your hands up!

CAPTAIN RADIO: Hold your fire! We surrender.

[Ominous music swells.]

NARRATOR: Don’t touch that dial! Captain Radio and the Mutant Mole People from the Eleventh Dimension will return after this brief word from our sponsor.

[We hear the clatter of typewriter keys.]

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NARRATOR: We now return to the adventures of Captain Radio. With Ace disabled and mole people surrounding them, our heroes have no choice but to surrender to the forces of darkness. They are taken to the throne room, where they discover Andromeda on an operating table, wearing a crown of electrodes.

ORION: Andromeda!

ANDROMEDA: Xavier! Orion? What are you doing here?

ORION: No time to explain.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Hang on, we’ll get you out of there.

ANDROMEDA: You shouldn’t have come.

CAPTAIN RADIO: A flock of Promethean firebirds couldn’t keep me from you. Now, we need to come up with a new plan before…

[Sinister laughter echoes around them.]

CAPTAIN RADIO: Doctor Orban, we meet again.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Well, well, well. If it isn’t the defender of the weak, scourge of evil, and champion of justice himself. Welcome, Captain Radio. Or should I call you Count Xavier of Alpha Centauri?

ORION: Wait a minute. You’re a royal? When were you planning on telling me this?

DOCTOR ORBAN: The problem with a secret identity is that it never stays secret for long.

CAPTAIN RADIO: It’s true. I am Xavier, son of Count Anton, ruler of Alpha Centauri. Inventing Captain Radio was necessary to protect my planet, my people, and Andromeda from the likes of you, Orban. Do what you want with me, but know that others will follow in my footsteps. Captain Radio is more than a man, he’s an idea — and you can’t kill an idea.


CAPTAIN RADIO: Go ahead. What are you waiting for?

DOCTOR ORBAN: For the planets to align.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Then what, you’ll open the Dimension Gate? Don’t try it. I’ve been to see the Monks of the Dark Adaptation: I know how to close the portal.

DOCTOR ORBAN: The monks are arrogant and stupid. They know nothing of the power that I possess. I have already opened a portal stable enough for living matter to pass through. In a few moments, I will have enough psychokinetic energy to create a permanent gateway.

ORION: If you do this, you’re upsetting a delicate balance. There’s no telling what the consequences will be.

DOCTOR ORBAN: It’s far too late to dissuade me from my evil plan. Guards! Prepare a firing squad for Captain Radio and Orion.

MOLE PERSON: With pleasure.


DOCTOR ORBAN: Do you want them to live?

ANDROMEDA: More than anything.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Then open the Dimension Gate.

ANDROMEDA: Open the gate? What do you mean?

CAPTAIN RADIO: He can’t do it without you, Andromeda. He needs a psychokinetic field to stabilize the portal. Don’t you see? You’re the power source.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Open the gate.

ANDROMEDA: I don’t know how.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Which one should I kill first? The dashing young count who risks his life for others or the conman with the heart of gold?

ANDROMEDA: Leave them alone, you monster.

DOCTOR ORBAN: The choice is yours.

ORION: All things being equal, I’d prefer to live, but not if it means the end of the universe. Don’t do it, Andromeda.

CAPTAIN RADIO: This is all part of his plan. Heightened emotions strengthen the psychokinetic field. Don’t give him what he wants.

DOCTOR ORBAN: You have ten seconds to decide.

ANDROMEDA: I’m telling you, I don’t know how to open your blasted gate.

DOCTOR ORBAN: If you allow them to die, your anguish will be enough to tear open the universe all by itself. Either way, I win. Five seconds.

ANDROMEDA: Give me a moment to think.

CAPTAIN RADIO: It’s alright, Andromeda. I love you.


ANDROMEDA: Wait! I’ll do it.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Excellent.

NARRATOR: In a moment of desperation, Captain Radio strikes one of the mole people guarding him and attempts to wrestle his ray gun away. No sooner does his hand close around the trigger than a mysterious force freezes him in place!

[The struggle is interrupted by the sound of psychic energy.]

CAPTAIN RADIO: Let me go, Andromeda. I can take them.

ANDROMEDA: I’m sorry.

CAPTAIN RADIO: Don’t do this. Not for me. We’ll find another way.

ANDROMEDA: Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.

DOCTOR ORBAN: The planetary alignment will only last a few more minutes. Are you ready, my dear?

ANDROMEDA: I’m ready.

[We hear the same sound that has accompanied Andromeda’s past uses of psychic ability, but this one is more powerful, deeper, layered.]

ANDROMEDA: I’m reaching out to the Eleventh Dimension. It’s powerful, calling me. Pulling me toward it.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Harness it. Channel the dark energy to open the gate!

NARRATOR: Captain Radio and Orion watch helplessly as Andromeda is drawn in by the Eleventh Dimension and transformed by its power. A sphere of dark energy forms in the center of the room, small at first, but growing with every passing second.

[Andromeda’s voice is different now, too, like someone else is speaking through her.]

ANDROMEDA: It’s beautiful.

DOCTOR ORBAN: You can see in the dark now. Isn’t it magnificent?

ANDROMEDA: I can see. I can see everything. The past. The future. Infinite universes branching off forever.

DOCTOR ORBAN: You’re almost there, my dear. Now, stabilize the gate! We must keep it open to allow our allies to send reinforcements. Two dimensions united under one rule.

ORION: Andromeda, you’ve got to stop this!

ANDROMEDA: Silence! You will address me as Empress Supreme.

ORION: Alright, Captain Radio, or Count Xavier, or whatever your name is — what’s the plan?

CAPTAIN RADIO: I, I don’t know.

ORION: Come on, you always have a plan.

[A hum and a crackle of energy as the portal opens. Andromeda’s second voice slowly fades.]

ANDROMEDA: The portal is holding. There. Stable.

DOCTOR ORBAN: You’ve done it. A gateway between dimensions. Guard, return to the Eleventh Dimension and tell your commander to begin the invasion.

ANDROMEDA: Take Captain Radio with you. As a token of our appreciation.

DOCTOR ORBAN: No! He must bear witness to my triumph!

ANDROMEDA: Your victory is at hand, but how can our empire ever be safe with him around?

DOCTOR ORBAN: You’re right. He’s too dangerous to remain here, even under lock and key. Our friends in the Eleventh Dimension will know what to do with him.

ANDROMEDA: As for the Taurian and the robot, take them to the dungeon.

ORION: Please, Andromeda! You’re making a mistake. There’s still time. We can run away, just the two of us. We can go back to the way it used to be.

DOCTOR ORBAN: You heard your empress, take them away!

NARRATOR: As the mole people haul Orion and Ace away to be imprisoned beneath the Throne of Jupiter, Captain Radio stands before the churning whirlpool of dark energy forming the Dimension Gate. With no hope of escape, he turns to Andromeda.

CAPTAIN RADIO: How could you do this? You’ve betrayed everything you ever stood for — everything we ever stood for.

ANDROMEDA: Everything will be made clear in time.

DOCTOR ORBAN: How does it feel to taste defeat, Captain Radio?

CAPTAIN RADIO: I’m not finished yet.

DOCTOR ORBAN: Ever the optimist. But I’m afraid your story ends here. Goodbye, my old nemesis. May we never meet again.

NARRATOR: Flanked by guards, Captain Radio steps across the event horizon and disappears through the portal, vanishing through the gate into the unknown realm of the Eleventh Dimension…

CAPTAIN RADIO: I’ll be back. Somehow. 

[Heroic music rises.]

NARRATOR: You’ve been listening to the adventures of Captain Radio! Can Orion and Ace escape from the dungeon and free Andromeda from Doctor Orban’s malevolent control? Will Captain Radio survive the perilous crossing into the dark dimension and find a way to return? Will good triumph over evil?

Tune in next week to find out in the gripping final chapter of Captain Radio and the Mutant Mole People from the Eleventh Dimension, brought to you by the Underwood Noiseless Typewriter.

JONNY: The Adventures of Captain Radio is a production of Obscure Studios. This episode was written and edited by me, Jonny Eberle and it was produced by me and Will McDonald.

Our Narrator is Scott Kennedy. Captain Radio was played by Will McDonald. Orion was played by Rob Peters. Ace was played by DeLano Hays. Andromeda was played by Abigail Stokley. Doctor Orban and the Ad Announcer were played by Jonny Eberle, and the Mole People were voiced by Bailey Cunningham.

Our incredible theme music was composed by Bailey Cunningham and our artwork was designed by Tami King.

If you like the show and you want to help us make more of it, there are three simple things you can do to support us. The easiest thing to do is to leave us a rating and review wherever you’re listening right now. The second thing you can do is to help us keep the lights on in our recording lair by making a donation on Ko-Fi. Finally, you can buy Captain Radio merchandise like t-shirts, stickers, coffee mugs, totes, and more on our TeePublic store.

You can find all of those links as well as complete episode transcripts and more information about us on our website: Thank you for listening and we’ll see you next time.