VOICE: It’s time for Captain Radio!
[Intro music plays: thrilling, space-y synthesizer.]
NARRATOR: These are the adventures of Captain Radio! Our heroes are on a collision course with destiny. In the single-minded pursuit of his mentor, Magnus Hostillian, Captain Radio steers his space zeppelin into the uncharted abyss of the Velorum Expanse, hoping to find the man who inspired him to defend the galaxy. But he is unwittingly placing himself in the crosshairs of a galaxy-spanning race for fame, fortune, and power – one with deadly consequences.
You’re listening to Captain Radio and the Curse of the Primordial Planet. Chapter Two: The Lighthouse.
Following the star map unearthed on Rigel Station, Captain Radio, Andromeda, Ace, and Orion rocket deep into unknown space…
ORION: I’m telling you, if it were me, I wouldn’t go near those colliding neutron stars.
CAPTAIN RADIO: But we’ve already searched the only planets within three parsecs of here, and he can’t have made it any farther than that.
ORION: That’s why it’s time to check the lighthouse.
CAPTAIN RADIO: We’ve been over this: there isn’t any lighthouse.
ORION: It’s right here on the map.
ACE: A map that we know to be a forgery.
CAPTAIN RADIO: This region is completely uninhabited, Orion. Why would anyone build a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere?
ORION: It’ll only take a day to find out. I’ve got a good feeling about this.
ANDROMEDA: Orion is right. I can’t explain it, but all my instincts say we need to go there.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Fine. We’ll have a look. But I still think some long-dead cartographer is playing a practical joke on us.
ACE: Sir, we have already expended more than half of our fuel. We are also consuming oxygen at a higher rate than anticipated. Cause unknown.
CAPTAIN RADIO: I know, Ace. But we may never be this close to catching up with Magnus again. We’ve got to take the chance.
ACE: May I ask why you are so determined to find him?
CAPTAIN RADIO: Magnus taught me everything I know – he looked out for me. When he died, it was like losing a father. If it’s true that he’s alive and he’s been wandering the stars all this time…then I should be the one to bring him home.
ACE: What if he does not wish to return to Alpha Centauri? Perhaps there is a reason he stayed away.
CAPTAIN RADIO: That may be so, but it won’t stop me from trying. He always came after me when I got lost. It’s time I returned the favor. Set a course for the Pulsar Lighthouse.
ACE: Yes, sir.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Are you feeling better, Andromeda?
ANDROMEDA: A little. Getting away from the battlefield helped, but something still isn’t right. I keep getting flashes of thoughts and emotions that don’t belong to me.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Where are they coming from?
ANDROMEDA: I think some of them are coming from Magnus. They’re impressions in the fabric of reality, like ripples in the wake of a passing ship.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Can you tell which way he’s gone?
ANDROMEDA: No. It isn’t that concrete. But I can tell he’s desperate.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Try to rest. We’ll be at the lighthouse soon. And if he isn’t there, we’ll have no choice but to turn back.
ANDROMEDA: I do hope we find him, you know.
CAPTAIN RADIO: I appreciate that. I’m sorry I dragged you all the way out here.
ANDROMEDA: You know I wouldn’t have it any other way.
CAPTAIN RADIO: All the same, I don’t want you to feel obligated to… I mean, if you preferred to go home and lead a more normal life, I would understand.
ANDROMEDA: Are you trying to send me away?
CAPTAIN RADIO: Never. But after what happened on Gemini Four, I want you to know–
ACE: Proximity alarm! Lighthouse directly ahead.
ORION: Already? How can that be?
CAPTAIN RADIO: Seems your map is even less reliable than I thought, Orion.
NARRATOR: Out the window, they glimpse the crumbling ruins of a navigational beacon. Perched atop a lonely asteroid, the structure is thousands of years old, scarred and eroded by the ravages of time and the solar winds.
ORION: I don’t want to say I told you so, but —
CAPTAIN RADIO : You can gloat all you want later. Andromeda, take the wheel and see if you can find a safe place to set down. I’ll help Orion with the mooring lines.
NARRATOR: They circle the lighthouse several times before landing the space zeppelin in a field of ice crystals near the base of the tower. Carefully, they pick their way across the shipwreck-strewn surface of the asteroid, where they discover a partially collapsed doorway.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Everybody watch your step. One false move could bring these walls crashing down on top of us.
[In the distance, the sound of crumbling stone.]
ANDROMEDA: Xavier, we aren’t alone.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Is it Magnus?
ANDROMEDA: I-I’m not sure.
ACE: Scanning. No life forms detected.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Your instruments aren’t going to work here, Ace. Look at all the comet ice they used to build this thing: any reading will be reflected off a hundred surfaces before you can register it.
ORION: Remember that good feeling I had earlier? It’s gone.
ANDROMEDA: Xavier, I think we should leave.
CAPTAIN RADIO: Nonsense. We just got here!
ORION: I don’t think you’re going to like what you find in there.
CAPTAIN RADIO: You all wait here. I’ll be right back.
NARRATOR: Captain Radio draws his ray gun from its holster, ready for any danger, and disappears down the dark passageway.
ANDROMEDA: What is it, Orion?
ORION
You see that symbol above the door? It’s a Taurian Death Mark. My people use it to warn each other of danger.
ANDROMEDA
What kind of danger?
ORION
Something terrible happened here. A massacre, maybe. Or a plague. But usually, the death mark signals that a place is haunted by evil spirits.
ACE
I thought you did not believe in superstitions.
ORION
Yeah, well, I’m starting to change my mind.
ANDROMEDA
We’ve got to get out of here. Xavier!
POLLUX VON LUNA
Not so fast, partner. Turn around slowly and keep your hands where I can see them.
NARRATOR
Andromeda, Ace, and Orion turn to find themselves staring down the sights of a long-barrelled ray gun. The man with the gun scans them with a cybernetic eye implant.
[We hear the whir of Pollux’s scanner.]
ACE
Please identify yourself.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Pollux Von Luna, soldier of fortune and man of many talents.
ORION
The Pollux Von Luna?
POLLUX VON LUNA
Where’s your friend? The one wearing the mask?
ANDROMEDA
I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s just the three of us. We’re ice prospectors from Vespa Majorum.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Ha! Ice miners! You’re a clever one, Lady Andromeda, I’ll give you that, but your indiscreet companions gave you away on Rigel Spaceport. I’ve been trailing you ever since, even hitched a ride on your cushy space zeppelin without any of you noticing. Now, be a good girl and tell me where Captain Radio is.
ORION
What’s it to you?
POLLUX VON LUNA
He went into the lighthouse, didn’t he? Didn’t he see the Taurian Death Mark over the door?
ACE
Captain Radio will be back at any moment. If you attempt to injure any of us, there will be consequences.
POLLUX VON LUNA
(Sarcastically)
I’m terrified. But Captain Radio can’t help you now. Single file, hands on your heads. Into the lighthouse we go. No funny business. I’m not above shedding a little innocent blood.
ANDROMEDA
What’s inside?
POLLUX VON LUNA
Certain death for some. For others, riches beyond your wildest dreams. At least, that’s what the legend says. Shall we find out together?
NARRATOR
Meanwhile, Captain Radio searches the inner chamber for any sign of Magnus. High above, wreathed in shadow, an immense, cobweb-covered transmitter dish hangs precariously from the ceiling.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Magnus? Can you hear me?
[We hear a cascade of rubble in the distance.]
CAPTAIN RADIO
Magnus!
VOICE OF MAGNUS
Mayday! Mayday! This is Magnus Hostillian transmitting on an emergency frequency.
CAPTAIN RADIO
The signal. Hello! Can you hear me?
THE ORACLE
I can save your son, but we must leave now.
QUINCY
I can’t turn my back on these people. I swore an oath.
TECHNICIAN
This unit has a defective ethical circuit. Take it for recycling.
ANDROMEDA
I’m reaching out to the Eleventh Dimension.
CAPTAIN RADIO
What in all the stars is happening?
MADAME CELESTA
Disorienting, isn’t it? All those voices.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Who goes there? Show yourself!
MADAME CELESTA
Heavens me, I didn’t mean to startle you. Why don’t you put that ray gun of yours away before someone gets hurt?
NARRATOR
From a darkened corner of the room steps a small figure: a white-haired woman of aristocratic bearing. She wears a floor-length ball gown, a pith helmet, and a knowing grin. Captain Radio lowers his weapon slightly.
CAPTAIN RADIO
What exactly is going on here?
MADAME CELESTA
Don’t you worry. All your questions will be answered in due time. But where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself: Regina Celesta, archaeologist and antiquarian. You may be familiar with my work to excavate the Sargassian Necropolis.
CAPTAIN RADIO
I can’t say that I am.
MADAME CELESTA
Maybe you read my book on the ancient civilizations of the Pleiades, then.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Celesta? As in Celesta Industries? The company that makes astro-compasses?
MADAME CELESTA
Why yes, my granddaddy did invent the astro-compass. But I don’t like to make a fuss about all that.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Madame Celesta is being too modest. Don’t let her fool you with that sweet old lady act, partner. She’s the most ruthless robber baron the galaxy has ever seen.
NARRATOR
Pollux Von Luna steps into a shaft of light, with Orion, Andromeda, and Ace beside him. His laser rifle is slung over his shoulder and he holds a blinking explosive device in the palm of his hand.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Now, if you’ll be so kind as to step away from the matter transmitter before I blow this place to kingdom-come.
[Ominous music transitions us to:]
NARRATOR
Don’t touch that dial! Captain Radio and the Curse of the Primordial Planet will return after this brief word from our sponsor.
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NARRATOR
We now return to the adventures of Captain Radio. Deep in uncharted space, inside an ancient lighthouse, our heroes are caught in the crossfire between two rivals.
MADAME CELESTA
Pollux, dear. I thought I shook you off my scent back in the Scorpius Constellation.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Can’t get rid of me that easy. Though it would seem I’m the least of your worries. Magnus is still one step ahead of you. Plus, there’s the curse to worry about.
MADAME CELESTA
There is no curse.
ORION
Hang on, there’s a curse, too? That’s it, I’m out.
CAPTAIN RADIO
What does this have to do with Magnus?
MADAME CELESTA
Poor old Magnus. He’s trying to steal something that belongs to me.
POLLUX VON LUNA
It belongs to whoever finds it first, Madame Celesta. Just because you own the Big Dipper don’t mean you can automatically lay claim to the rest of the universe.
MADAME CELESTA
Well, bless your heart. You really think you’re going to reach it first, don’t you? I admire your tenacity, Pollux, but I question your intelligence. You’ve been warned about getting in my way.
POLLUX VON LUNA
What’s another scar between friends, eh?
ORION
Look, you two clearly have a lot of catching up to do. We’ll just show ourselves out.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Leaving so soon? But this party’s just getting started.
MADAME CELESTA
You really should stay. I can take you to Magnus.
ANDROMEDA
She’s lying. She has no interest in helping us.
MADAME CELESTA
Come now. We’re all on the same side here.
ACE
I do not believe our motives are the same.
MADAME CELESTA
Oh, but they are, my mechanical friend. That’s why I’ve brought you here.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Nobody brought us here. We were following Magnus’ distress call.
MADAME CELESTA
As am I. But I needed to make sure you made it here, just in case Magnus insists on being unreasonable.
ANDROMEDA
You sent the assassin on Gemini Four. Why?
MADAME CELESTA
Captain Radio has a reputation as a man who runs toward danger rather than away from it. I reckoned you were close to giving up, so I sweetened the pot. Quincy always said I had a flair for the dramatic.
CAPTAIN RADIO
If you wanted my help, you could’ve just asked.
MADAME CELESTA
And deprive you of the satisfaction of solving my little puzzle? I wouldn’t dream of it. Did Enigma give you the coordinates?
ACE
Affirmative.
MADAME CELESTA
That robot is ever so helpful.
ANDROMEDA
You’ve played us from the start, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for us to follow.
MADAME CELESTA
I don’t know what game Magnus is playing with his little signal, but I’m not taking any chances. That’s why you’re coming with me.
ORION
I don’t think so.
MADAME CELESTA
Magnus is on a planet at the edge of the galaxy. It would take your ship years to get there, but I know a shortcut. Unless Pollux decides to blow it to kingdom-come, that is.
POLLUX VON LUNA
It don’t have to come to that. Just step aside and let me access the controls.
MADAME CELESTA
Oh, I didn’t know you read Sargassian hieroglyphics.
POLLUX VON LUNA
How hard can it be?
MADAME CELESTA
The language is stunningly complex. I’m the foremost expert in the known universe and it took me two years to decipher the name of just one of their gods. Without me, you’ll wind up scattering your molecules across the entire system.
CAPTAIN RADIO
You’re sure Magnus is on this planet?
ORION
Hang on. Are you actually suggesting we listen to her? Please tell me that’s not what you’re saying.
ANDROMEDA
Isn’t it obvious? This is a trap.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Of course it is. But if there’s even a chance she’s telling the truth, I have to take that risk. Even if that means going on alone.
ACE
Inadvisable.
ANDROMEDA
Why would he suddenly want to go to the edge of the galaxy? It doesn’t make sense.
MADAME CELESTA
I have been known to stretch the truth at times, but believe me when I say that Magnus Hostillian’s life is in jeopardy.
ORION
No, no, no. I am not getting dragged into another hare-brained rescue attempt.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Can you guarantee my friends’ safety?
MADAME CELESTA
In my experience, there is no such thing as safety. The universe is a dangerous place.
ANDROMEDA
Are you sure you want to do this?
CAPTAIN RADIO
I’m sure.
ANDROMEDA
Then we’ll share the risk.
ACE
Agreed.
ORION
Fine. I’ll do it. But only because you’d be hopelessly lost without me. Though I still think this is a terrible idea which will get us all killed.
MADAME CELESTA
What do you say, Pollux, dear? How about you put that fractal detonator away?
POLLUX VON LUNA
On one condition: you take me with you.
MADAME CELESTA
You leave me no choice.
POLLUX VON LUNA
And no tricks, eh? No dropping me on some barren rock halfway to nowhere. All the way to Ferrilon, or I’ll use this. You know I will.
MADAME CELESTA
All the way to Ferrilon. You have my word.
[We hear the device disarm.]
POLLUX VON LUNA
What are we waiting for? Magnus may already have the artifact.
MADAME CELESTA
Don’t get your spacesuit in a twist. We are on our way.
[We hear a strange sound, like gathering thunder.]
MADAME CELESTA
I took the liberty of warming up the matter transmitter before you arrived. They built it to last, but it takes a while to kick in after sitting cold for seven thousand years.
ANDROMEDA
I can’t feel my legs.
MADAME CELESTA
That’s perfectly normal.
POLLUX VON LUNA
Come on. The universe ain’t getting any younger.
MADAME CELESTA
Patience is a virtue, Pollux. The Lithostar has waited centuries for someone who knows how to use it properly. Ah. Can you feel that? That little rush of endorphins? Like a cold glass of hyper-lemonade on a hot summer’s day.
ACE
We appear to be enveloped in a cascading graviton field.
ORION
I think I’m going to be sick.
CAPTAIN RADIO
Here goes nothing.
MADAME CELESTA
Three, two, one.
NARRATOR
With a clap of thunder and a flash of light, the matter transmitter engages, whisking our heroes to the very edge of the galaxy and depositing them on a strange world. From the darkness and chill of the lighthouse, they find themselves in a steaming jungle under the bright glare of an emerald green sun.
MADAME CELESTA
My friends, welcome to Ferrilon – legendary resting place of the most powerful artifact in the history of the universe.
[Mysterious music transitions us to:]
NARRATOR
You’ve been listening to the adventures of Captain Radio! What is the fabled artifact that Madame Celesta, Pollux Von Luna, and Magnus Hostillian are searching for? Can our heroes survive the perils of this wild and unforgiving planet? Find out next week in the exciting third chapter of Captain Radio and the Curse of the Primordial Planet, brought to you by the Victrola Pocket Phonograph!
(Heroic music transitions us to the outro:)
NARRATOR: You’ve been listening to The Adventures of Captain Radio! Will our heroes find Magnus? Who is the young man who has stowed away aboard the space zeppelin? And what is the deadly secret drawing them all together in the heart of the unexplored Velorum Expanse? Find out next week in the rousing second chapter of Captain Radio and the Curse of the Primordial Planet, brought to you by the Automatic Vacuum Cleaner!
The Adventures of Captain Radio is a production of Obscure Studios. This episode was written by Jonny Eberle and edited by Will McDonald.
Our main cast includes:
William McDonald as the Narrator
William McDonald as Captain Radio
Christian Carvajal as Orion
DeLano Hays as Ace
Abigail Stokely as Andromeda
Laura Burt as Madame Celesta
Our theme music was composed by Simon Cunningham and our stunning artwork was designed by Tami King.
If you like the show, there are three simple things you can do to support us. The easiest thing to do is to leave us a rating and review wherever you’re listening right now. Second, you can make a donation on Ko-Fi. Or, you can buy Captain Radio merchandise like t-shirts, stickers, coffee mugs, phone cases, and more on our TeePublic store.
You can find all of those links as well as complete episode transcripts and more information about us on our website: obscurestudios.net.
Thanks for listening and we’ll see you next time.
Obscure Studios 